A Fork in the Road

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A few months ago I explored my thoughts around choices in life, after reading Here or There. It's safe to say that during some particularly bad days or weeks I have questioned whether the career I went to university to pursue is actually for me. Whether I had made a mistake thinking I could do it. I also questioned what was stopping me from thinking about making a change - the safer (financially secure) option. Well, a job came up that I felt quite excited about so I applied. It's still within the same 'career' as such but in a different area. Hopefully this position suits me more as I made the decision not to re-apply for my job.

There is less of a fork in the road on the job front, however, I have been worried that there may be one ahead in relation to my friendships. My friends are getting to the stage where they are settling down with their boyfriends, getting married and having babies. My life is not going in that direction at all at the moment, I'm not sure whether I want it to. My worry is that I will have less and less in common with my friends and they will build friendships with people that they do have more in common with.

My fears have been dampened by a change of attitude. A more positive outlook (I'm trying something new). I was genuinely happy for both friends who got engaged last year and for one who found out she was pregnant. That happiness and excitement was expressed through conversations about plans and sending them ideas/inspiration I came across. My worries were lessened when both friends asked me to be one of their bridesmaids, I can't describe how much it meant to me to be asked. It also meant a lot when my friend accepted my offer to take some pregnancy photographs. All these things have enabled me to feel included in the changes in their lives and not left behind.

I was worried that our paths were going to begin to go in different directions but these moments reassure me that our friendships are stronger than that and we can remain friends even when our lives change and grow even if that takes us in different directions.

Have you had a fork in the road in part of your life? How did you decide which road to take?

Reflection

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I think being on holiday is a great time to reflect. You have time to think, time to gather your thoughts away from the never ending to do lists and everyday responsibilities.

I was listening to a Good Life Project (GLP) podcast and a question stood out for me that I haven't yet been able to give much thought, 'what does living a good life mean to you?'

Well now I have the time. One of my favourite parts of the day, I have come to realise, is being the first one up, making myself a coffee and drinking it out by the pool. I love having this bit of time to myself to think and/or write in my journal. I love the warmth as the suns heat grows with the day, the birds chirping, the light breeze rustling the leaves on the trees. I don't even mind the sound of aeroplanes heading towards the airport as it reminds me I'm away from home in this beautiful place.

So, what does living a good life mean to me? I thought about what is important to me; my values, relationships and my work. I also thought about financial security, travel (exploring the world) and some material things such as a nice home and car. I thought about my aspirations and my basic, core desire, to make a difference, to influence change and to be happy.

I think, most importantly, for me at the moment is having a good, healthy home and work balance, to be happy and healthy and to continue trying to have a more positive outlook. I want to write that in an ideal world I would earn enough money to work part time (but then what would I do with the spare time?) but another part of me wants to find a job that I enjoy enough to not mind, or even want to, work full time.

I would like to help change the way our society views elderly people (older adults), the value that's placed on their quality of life and the care provided to support them. I would also like to support the continuing understanding, acceptance and value of individuals with disabilities (physical, cognitive and learning disabilities) within our society and communities.

As I have spent time thinking about what this all means to me, I have also thought about changes I can make in my life to help me achieve some of these things. I have a home and car that I love, I have a few little projects in mind for the house and garden that I hope to complete this year. As I have mentioned a number of times before, my job has always been for 12 months so I am currently looking for a new one. I have an idea about a project I would like to do to raise awareness of some of the needs of older adults and family carers but have decided that I would like to attend a photography course of some kind first. I also want to learn more and improve my photography skills as a hobby. I really regret not taking it in school (I'm sure it was an option for GCSE or A level). I am lucky and grateful for the life I have, it's a good one but it can always be a little better (the need for self development both a positive and negative trait of mine).

What does living a good life mean to you?

Female





From Google Images

What does it mean to be female in todays society?

Recently, I have seen blog posts and news articles about being female, being a woman, from Lady Writes post 'Here's to the Girl Boss generation' and Tanya Burr's post 'Time for Girls' to International Women's Day which was celebrated on Tuesday the 8th of March. All of these things have led me to thinking more and more about what it means to be a woman in todays society.

Growing up as a teenager I rejected a lot of what I thought defined a girl. I wanted to be seen as strong not weak, I wanted to be on the same level as or better than the boys. Even at primary school I played football with my boy friends, I raced against them on sports day. For a long time my Uncle kept a photo of me running alongside two of the boys in my class. In high school I found I preferred being friends with boys, for a sort while I was the only girl in our small group of friends and I didn't want to be treated any differently by them because of it. I wanted to be seen by them as 'one of the guys.'

As an adult I have clear, strong views about wanting to be independent and about wanting to be in a balanced relationship where roles and chores are shared. At the moment I have no intention of becoming someone's housewife, however, that may change in the future. I also have my own views about how I would like to start a family, which again may not be seen as traditional by others. But does it and should it matter what others think of my choices?

Feminism by definition is 'the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.' I really enjoyed Emma Watson's UN speech about Feminism, especially where she talked about it being a movement for both men and women, where she discussed and challenged stereotypes of both men and women. You can find it here.

Am I a feminist?

I am not sure. What I do know is that I believe that women should have and exercise their right to make choices about their own lives. To choose who they want to be and who they want to be in a relationship with, whether they want to focus on their career or raising a family or juggle both.

Within Tanya's post there is a link to another website with many ways of getting involved and supporting gender equality and women. I clicked on the HeForShe tab as it was a campaign I heard about through Emma's speech. The campaign focuses on six areas where gender equality can be promoted; education, health, identity, work, violence and poverty.

 'How strongly do you feel influenced by traditional gender expectations?'

 

Image from Google Images

 

Mother's Day

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On Father's Day last year I decided to write about my family as a whole because, although my Dad is a significant person in my life, he is one member of my family who are very important to me. If you want to have a read, you can find it here.

Well, today is Mother's Day and I will say the same. Mum is a special person in my life, however again, she is one part of the whole. My Sister and I show our appreciation for our parents unconditional love and support on these days with a gift and time spent together. I have previously referred to myself as a 'Daddy's girl' having always gone with him on work deliveries and worked for him for a few years. However, in the last two years my Mum and I have grown closer. I think it was and still is the support we give each other around the care of my Grandad. I can draw on my knowledge from working within health and social care as well as helping out with the physical caring role. I admire my Mum for her selflessness, always putting others before herself.

I read Lady Writes post 'Here's To The Girl Boss Generation' recently and it made me think about what it means to be a woman and also about the female role models in my life. I feel that I have had positive, strong female influences in my life; my Mum, Auntie and both Nan's. All have given me treasured experiences for which I am grateful. I continue to have strong females in my life who are total Girl Boss's by following their dreams and making choices for themselves, whether this is in their work or home life.

On the other side of the coin, I read Janet Street Porter's article in i last week where she questioned whether we should still celebrate Mums. For me personally, I like that there is a special day to reflect on who my Mum is and what she has done for me. As I mentioned in my previous post about family, I don't believe that all parental figures need to biological to be significant and meaningful, there are step-parents, adoptive parents and foster parents. I do agree with Janet when she argues for a recognition and celebration of 'anyone who looks after children and shoulders that responsibility.'

My thoughts are with those for whom Mothers Day might be a difficult, painful day. Those who do not have a positive relationship with their Mothers, have lost their Mothers and those who wish to but cannot become Mothers.

Do you celebrate Mother's Day? What does the day mean to you?

What I'm Reading: Here or There

This was one of the last books I picked off the shelf at the library last week but it was the first one I decided to read. It was quite a short book and one that I couldn't put down. This meant that I'd read it from cover to cover by the time I turned off my bedside lamp at around midnight on Monday. I felt the book was cleverly written and intertwines the lives of the characters. The reason I chose this book was its theme of choices and consequences, however, I think the overriding theme is about finding what makes you happy with your life.

'Do you ever get the impression that things weren't meant to be as they are? That at some point along the way you took a wrong turning and ended up down a completely different path?'

'I thought this...was who I was meant to be, and now I know it's all rubbish. It's just fake, this life, the one we go along with, the one we think we've chosen but in reality there was only ever one option; the pressures we put on ourselves to conform, to be secure, to go down the safer route -it's all meaningless.'

These two quotes really resonated with me. More recently as my confidence grows I have felt more positive about my job, however, if I've had a bad few days, or weeks, I sometimes sit and think, 'how did I end up here?' I think about whether this is what I want and what is stopping me thinking about changes. I realise the things stopping me are the pressures I put on myself to be secure (financially) and stick to the safer option.

As I've mentioned before, experiences have changed the direction of my life path and I am not working with the people I had planned to following the completion of my degree. Instead of going back to working with adults, I work within a children's service. Sometimes I wonder whether I would be happier working in a different role with adults (is the grass always greener and all that). Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to end up here. I don't regret any of the twists and turns, each one has taught me something and I believe that we as individuals are made up of our experiences, good and bad, and that they are what inform and guide us. For me the question is really where do I go from here. I also didn't really plan post degree so I haven't figured out what comes next and for someone who likes a plan (or at least a rough sense of direction) I am a slight state of uncertainty and unease.

Another of my dilemmas is that I enjoyed the work I did pre university, however, this wasn't as well paid as the job I do now, which was a motivator for me to study. I don't like to think of myself as someone who is money orientated, but as a single, independent person I want to be able to live comfortably without the need to rely on others. Therefore, at the moment two of my wishes conflict with each other, my path, it appears, has forked and I need to decide which direction to take.

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Have you had similar dilemmas? Which direction did you take?

A January Update

January, perhaps not the best month of the year, the festive period fading into a distant memory fast, returning to work after a few days or weeks off, the dark mornings making it difficult to start the day and get motivated.

I have made a few small changes to try and increase my happiness and health. I have been using my journal to spend some time thinking about my day, to think about and appreciate things that have made me happy and things that I am grateful for. I have been listening to this guided meditation most mornings before work with positive affirmations. It is not only a lovely way to start the day but is also helping the shift in my perspective from defeatist to I can manage and enjoy today.

'Today is a great day'

I have also been doing Yoga Camp with Yoga with Adriene. I have tried to sit each day and follow the programme, however, this has not always been possible. I find it easier to make time for the shorter videos (20-30 minutes) and appreciate the time spent on the mat. The time spent moving into and holding different positions and stretches. Even time spent sat breathing mindfully with a scented candle burning is appreciated and I have been able to notice a difference in myself. I believe that the positive affirmations that Adriene has incorporated are helpful too. I feel stronger, that things are more manageable.

'I am capable'

The first full week back at work after Christmas was stressful but I don't think I can get away from that in the career I have chosen. However, as I mentioned above, I feel more capable, more able to manage it. Perhaps, beginning to have more faith in myself, my ability to manage and to do my job well.

To support my resolution to be healthier I have been making healthier choices when it comes to my meals, taking a balanced lunch to work most days and preparing and cooking for myself in the evenings. I have also been making the effort to not leave work too late so that I have the time and energy to show up for myself and follow all these things through. As well as this, I have also been making more time for friends. In the months leading up to Christmas I had no energy left after work to want to socialise, instead, I would just crash in front of the tv when I got home in the evenings and weekends. I suppose without realising it, this enabled me to withdraw a little.

I met a friend for dinner Wednesday evening at Chiquito and enjoyed a passion fruit mojito with my chicken fajitas and as we all need a treat once in a while I also had a banana fried in a cinnamon tortilla, yummy! I definitely think celebrating mid-week is something that needs to happen regularly from now on.

Friday evening a friend and I were invited to our friends birthday meal with her family where we along with her two sisters were asked to be her bridesmaids! What a great way to end the first week back after Christmas. I feel so lucky and thankful that another of my friends wants me to stand beside her on one of the biggest days of her life.

I hope you have all had a positive week and your resolutions, intentions or goals are going well

Starting a Journal

I had a diary once when I was younger, possibly after watching Bridget Jones' Diary, where I wrote pages and pages about my day, I'm not too sure that it was very reflective. I have seen blog posts about The Happiness Project and the Happiness Planner thought it was a great idea, but I'm not sure I could commit to it. Instead, I have decided to keep my own personal journal, a place to sort through my feelings from the day, a space to be reflective and grateful.

My wishes for the New Year are health and happiness and I believe that those two things are entwined, I think to be happy you have to have a healthy body and a healthy mind. Until recently I have focussed on the bigger things, achievements I have been working towards, goals reached. Some materialistic items also fall into that category, I feel I have worked hard to achieve and keep my home and my car. However, I still do not feel that happy. Looking back on 2015 it was a great year for me but when I reflect on it my strongest feeling is not happiness or elation, it is stress and anxiety. Achieving my goals, graduating from university and going on my solo road trip have only seemed to work for a short period of time in making me happy.

This year I want to learn more about happiness and how I be a happier person through reading, reflecting and listening. One part of this is about noticing and appreciating the smaller things. From a little while spent Googling this morning there many other things to try as well. So I will use this space to record my efforts and their outcomes.  

The New Year

Reflections on 2015

Two thousand and fifteen feels like it has been a stressful year, I feel stressed and unable to relax and I'm not too sure why. Yes I have a lot of responsibility in my new job but that it what I have spent the last three years at university working towards. Sometimes I wonder if it is the right job for me but I continue to stick with it because I do not like to give up and it has only been six months. My contract is only for twelve months so we will see what happens and where I go in July 2016.

Aside from the negativity around my job (which apart from the stress and perhaps anxiety, I mostly enjoy when I'm there doing it), two thousand and fifteen has been a pretty good year.

The moments I am most proud of are; actually planning and going on my solo road trip in June and graduating from university.

The things I am most grateful for are; the health of my family and friends, being asked by a close friend to be one of her bridesmaids, the opportunity to go to and graduate from university and getting a job straight out of university.

Looking ahead to 2016

Since Christmas my thoughts have wandered ahead to the New Year and my wishes for two thousand and sixteen. I already have a few things to look forward to; a family holiday for my Sisters 21st birthday in April and my friends wedding in July. There is also the possibility of me finding a new job, which I could consider as an exciting opportunity (instead of feeling extremely nervous about - a bit of positive thinking!).

I do not usually make New Year's resolutions because I rarely see them through. So this New Year I have three wishes; to be happy, to be healthy and to tick some things off my 30 before 30 list which I wrote here.

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What were your favourite moments from 2015 and do you have any wishes for 2016?

What I'm Reading: Elizabeth is Missing

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I was searching for books to read and decided to follow a friends advice and search the top books of 2014. Before this I had been working my way through Patricia Cornwall's Scarpetta crime novels and James Patterson's Women's Murder Club series of crime novels. Can you spot a theme? A favourite genre of mine? While awaiting the release of new books from these series I decided to see what else was out there. I was intrigued by Elizabeth is Missing after reading a comment on The Guardian's website, 'Emma Healey's dementia detective story.'

I have worked with individuals with Dementia as well as attending training on the condition through my work as a home care assistant. In recent years my Grandad has experienced significant issues with his memory. I am interested in the disease and how best to work with individuals who have it to enable them to live as well and independently as possible. I feel the same way about any disability.

I went on to read the blurb, to find out a little bit more about the story I was going to become part of. The story is centred about the central character, Maud. Maud is in her eighties and has vascular dementia. Maud narrates her quest to unravel and solve two tales, one is the disappearance of her friend Elizabeth, the second, interwoven through flashbacks, is the mystery of Maud's sister's disappearance seventy years earlier. This is alongside Maud using handwritten notes to herself, not always successfully, to keep track of her day to day life and discoveries.

I thought I had a reasonable understanding of Dementia and how to work with individuals who have it, however, what this book did for me was to give me an insight into what it was like for the individual, how it made them feel when they could see in others reactions that they had forgotten or irritated, the uncertainty and fear felt at times. Some of Maud's mannerisms also made me smile to myself because in them I recognised Grandad, asking the same questions repetitively, reading aloud and following instructions even if it is not the right time to do so. An example of this is when Grandad reads PUSH on the belt clasp of his wheelchair. He will push it and undo his belt even when he needs it to stay done up. After it is secured again, now he has seen it, he cannot leave it alone and every time he sees the instruction, what does he do? Pushes it and around again we go.

I thought that Elizabeth is Missing was a great book, I loved the aspect that touched me personally but also following the unravelling of the two mysteries.

Have you read the book, what are your thoughts?

Meeting a Milestone: Graduation

I begin to write as I am getting into bed. I don't want to wipe off my make up and the day with it. I don't want to go to sleep and begin a new day tomorrow. I don't want today to end. Today is the day graduated, an achievement I always wanted to accomplish but was not sure that I would.

I graduated on Tuesday. The excitement had been building in the run up to the day itself, receiving tickets, shopping for new outfits and party planning. The day really began when I stepped out of the shower at 10.30 and started to get ready. I had bought my outfit from River Island a few weeks before, the high waisted leather skirt and black top. I was a little worried that I may get a bit chilly throughout the day as it is now autumn so the Sunday before I happened to buy a slouchy green jumper from H&M which I thought would go really well to slip on before and after the ceremony. I finished my outfit off with a gold necklace my friends bought me for my birthday, although you couldn't really see it with my gown on, and an old pair of black shoe boots.

My parents and sister arrived at mine just before midday. We drove to the quayside for an al fresco lunch. My parents and I tucked into chicken, bacon and pesto wraps and my sister a bacon sarnie. I was extremely lucky with the weather, it was a bright, sunny and reasonably warm day for this time of year. We sat looking out at the water and boats in the marina, beautiful. My sister also gave me a small wrapped box. Peeling away the paper revealed a box labelled Class of 2015 and inside the cutest charm for my bracelet!

After lunch we headed to the Town Hall for the ceremony. I made plans to meet my friend outside, we greeted each other with smiles filled with excitement and nerves and headed inside to collect our hired cap and gown. We were dressed and guided through to have our official photographs taken. After all of this there was still some time to take some photo's outside with friends and family before the ceremony began at 3pm.

The ceremony began with a formal procession of the university faculty members dressed in their ceremonial outfits. There was then some short speeches and the introduction of the honourary fellow, Maureen Reynel MBE. Maureen founded and continues to run a local charity, FIND, supporting homeless individuals and those living on a low income. The charity is well known for providing food parcels but also offers other types of emergency aid such as; household and nursery items.

Having worked alongside Maureen in the summer of 2013, I found her presence and speech very meaningful and moving. She spoke about her work but also the responsibility we have to consider the lives of others and our contribution to society. That we should be mindful of our judgements of others, we cannot know what has led them down that particular path and there is no reason why we should not treat everyone with respect.

Maureen has achieved a lot in her lifetime, although perhaps not in a way that others would judge as so. Her achievement has been based in helping others through fostering and her charity work. Maureen is someone I admire and aspire to be like, her caring nature, motivation, dedication and passion.

Graduates were then asked stand, row by row and line up by the stage, wait for their name to called, walk across the stage and receive their degree. This is the part of the ceremony I have been dreading and was extremely nervous about. I am not someone who likes to be up on stage or pulled out from a crowd. I was also very anxious about walking across the stage without tripping in my heels.

I managed the walk without tripping! After the walk my nervousness dissolved and I was free to enjoy the rest of the day. When the ceremony concluded the graduates were asked to file out onto the front steps of the Town Hall for our official class photo. Walking out through the wide open doors I saw the rest of my family ready and waiting. My parents and sister had guest tickets so were present during the ceremony.

Seeing the faces of my family members light up filled me with happiness and pride. The day was made special for me by the presence of my family. Without them it would not have been the same. I am aware how lucky I am that so many family members could make my special day and for that I am grateful.

After a few more photographs we headed to a local restaurant for a family meal and cake!

 

Have you graduated?

How did you celebrate?

If you haven't reached graduation yet, keep going it's worth all the hard work and it's never too late!

Turning Twenty Five

As you can probably guess from the post title, I turned twenty five this week. For some reason I feel that twenty five is an important birthday, much the same as a persons eighteenth, twenty first or thirtieth. Is it because it's half way to fifty? That to me is a scary thought because these twenty five years have past so quickly.

Images from Pinterest

I also think it's a great time to reflect, now mid twenties, if there is something you are not happy with or somewhere else you would like to be by the time you are thirty, you can start making changes now. I recently watched a TED talk by Meg Jay, she spoke about using your twenties wisely, to experiment and learn in a productive way, to gain valuable experiences. When I was watching and listening I thought that I had done quite well, I have gained different experiences through paid and voluntary work, university and travel (holidays with friends and family any my little solo road trip not a few months or years travelling around the world). Then I stopped and thought, I'm only twenty five what now? I still have another five years of being in my twenties and as we are always told, we are always learning.

I decided to have a look at a few 'what you should know by the time you're 25', '25 things to do before you turn 25' and '30 before 30' posts to help me reflect on what I had achieved and give me some inspiration on what I could still work on.

So here's my Thirty Before Thirty

1. Study, get a degree and graduate
2. Find a hobby, one that I will enjoy and stick with
3. Make new friends
4. Be healthier
5. Do some charity/volunteer work

6. Do something that scares me
7. Travel to Africa
8. Take a trip to Budapest
9. Take a trip to Scotland
10. Live in a different county or county for a year

11. Travel alone
12. Travel with friends
13. Travel with a group of people I do not know
14. Watch more documentaries, learn more about people and places
15. Get involved and be part of a campaign. Support a cause

16. Learn how to take good photographs
17. Make a short video
18. Be more creative
19. Do a piece of research
20. Read a 'classic' novel

21. Find a faith
22. Meditate
23. Practice yoga
24. Be kinder to myself
25. Be kinder to others

26. Be more spontaneous
27. Be aware of and value the little every day moments
28. Enjoy life's simple pleasures
29. Sleep under the stars
30. Go on a retreat

Living for the Future

Are we too focused on living for the future and missing out on the here and now?

This was a question posed within Paper Towns and it got me thinking. At school teachers constantly communicate the message that you are working towards getting good grades to get into sixth form or college and then on to university. While you are studying at university you are thinking ahead to getting good grades again, this time to get a good job post qualifying.

I'm guilty of looking forward and at times wishing my life away. When I was younger I remember thinking, I wish I was older so I could do this or that. I have always planned for the future through setting goals and having ideas of what I want to accomplish. I'm not sure there is a problem with planning for and working towards the future. However, I think the problem comes when you are so focused on the future that you are not present and are at risk of missing out on special everyday moments that our lives are made up of. Again, I could also be guilty of this, this is evident at the moment, having recently finished university and started a new job I am already thinking what now.

I'm not sure that it would be physically possible for me to start anything new at the moment, as I'm still learning all about my new job and don't get home most nights until 6.30, 7. Simple tasks just to look after myself are an effort because I am so tired. Plus I haven't even graduated yet so really that chapter in my life has not reached its conclusion.

I sometimes find it difficult to appreciate the simple everyday moments that get us from one day to the next. I seem to have a need to fill any gaps in my life and feel as though I am moving forward, working towards something. Another big part of my need is to feel as though I have a purpose, that I am doing something worthwhile and therefore I am worthwhile.

I want to be more present and mindful, to value and enjoy it. I realise that this is something that will not happen overnight. I guess it could be my new goal. Like any new skill it needs to be practiced, so taking inspiration from posts about gratitude journals I am going to begin something very similar. To try and become more aware and appreciative of everyday simple pleasures I am going to reflect daily and write down at least one positive thing, hopefully there will be more than one but we'll have to see. I think it's easy to take those moments for granted and miss them occasionally.

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Influences & Identity

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Whenever I'm asked about myself I often end up talking about my work and what I do; either paid, voluntary or with my family. I have very strong family values and I am lucky enough to come from one that enjoys spending time together, who look out for each other and are there for each other. I know that if I got myself into a bad situation that my family would do all they could to help me out and I am extremely grateful because I am aware that there are people out there who do not have that level of support due to various reasons.

In return, I like to think that I do as much as I can for members of my family. I often pop round to my Nan's for a coffee, sometimes take her out for a push in her wheelchair or into town. I also regularly look after my Grandad for periods of time. Why do I do these things? It is partly because I feel strongly that it is something I should do, that family should look out for each other but I also enjoy doing it, I love spending time with my family.

My work is also important to me and who I am. I like to help others; whether it is through donations, volunteering or paid employment. I feel strongly about individuals who have disabilities, their independence and quality of support they receive. Perhaps I have these feelings because I have grown up with my Grandad having a disability I am not sure. I haven't been able to do any voluntary work in the last 12 months but it is something I want to get back into.

Lastly, I thought I would share some films that I have found influential and inspiring.

Inside I'm Dancing 

Image from Google

For those of you who haven't seen it, this film reflects the change in thinking and policy around how disabled people should live and be supported. It follows the main character, Rory, advocate for his right to receive a budget to enable him to live independently instead of in an institution. It see's him fight to live how he wants to live, which seems a strange concept when many of us do this without it being questioned or limited.

The Blind Side

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I just think this film is amazing, the trailer alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes. It's all about one woman offering a teenager a place to spend the night when she suspects he has no where else to go and ending up with him becoming part of the family and a professional football player. For me, this film shows non-judgement, acceptance, opportunity and the importance of family. Before seeing the film I had an interest in fostering and adoption but this film intensified my feelings of wanting to support children who need foster or adoptive families.

Wild

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If you've read previous posts you will know that I lost someone very close to me last year. Wild follows a young woman who lost her mum at a young age and in response to her grief goes 'off the rails', using drugs and being unfaithful leading to the breakdown of her marriage. She becomes a person she does not like, that her mother would not be proud of and decides to find her way back to the person she was. She does this by hiking the Pacific Crest Trail alone. I think it's a great film about loss, strength, courage and personal growth.

While We're Young

Image from Google

This is the most recent film I have watched and found inspiring. It is about a forty something couple meeting a twenty something couple, it's about living life and made me want to be creative. But, my favourite part was a speech toward the end of the film about documentaries telling a story, being educational and honest. At the time I was writing my dissertation and the speech fitted with what we had been taught around integrity and ethics behind research. It inspired me to go away and write something informative, interesting and honest which I tried to do to the best of my ability.

What I'm Reading: Paper Towns

Image from Google

Who are we?

Are we something to other people but not to ourselves?

Has what makes us us come from within or from others and their impositions and influences?

These are some of the questions the author of Paper Towns, John Green, asks. The book explores a number of concepts and themes that are interwoven within the book such as; gender, identity and finding your place within society. One of the main themes throughout the book explores the character of Margo and relates to the second question above. It appears that Margo is a popular, outgoing, rebellious person to those that know her, however, as the story develops you discover who Margo really is, someone completely different.

What really stuck out for me was the concept of accepting people for who they are, not who you think they are or who you want them to be. I think this can relate to expecting others (friends, family members, colleagues) to have the same viewpoints as you, to want the same things. In recent years, I have had to accept that my friends want to put time into their relationships and that there isn't always time or money to also do things like trips and holidays with me. I can easily take things the wrong way and struggle to see why they wouldn't want to squeeze in a girly weekend away, we have fun and I want to spend time with them. Recently, however, I think I have been a bit more grown up about it, I understand that relationships are important and know that I am the same when I am in one. I need to accept the balance and take the time I can find to get together and compromise on the things we do. Our friendship is of more value than arguing over things that are not really important. Being the only single one amongst my friends means that I need to find things I enjoy doing alone sometimes so that I don't spend all my time hiding away, not doing anything when my friends are busy with their own lives. Hence the solo road trip earlier this year.

In terms of who I am and what influences that, I guess I'm still figuring that out, still growing and changing. One of my biggest role models as a teenager was Angelina Jolie; her humanitarian work and her adoption of Maddox as a single woman. I think my choice of career, within the health and social field, has definitely been guided from within. I've followed my feelings, my need to find a job where I feel worthwhile, where I can make a difference. People are motivated by a number of reasons; their values, political ideologies, money, power whose to say what are right or wrong motivations for doing something. I think it's all about perspective and we have to take the time to consider all of them before jumping to conclusions and possibly the wrong ones.

I've seen the trailer for the film Paper Towns and can't decide whether or not to go and watch it when it comes out. I quite enjoy watching films when I've read the book, to see if I discover something new and to see what has been changed. I can't do it the other way though, I struggle to read the book if I've already seen the film. What are your thoughts on watching films if you've already read the book or the other way around?

Time

Time, 

Continuous,

Constantly changing, 

Stopping for no one, 

Carrying you along, 

Along the current of life.

Days pass,

One after the other.

Merging into a seamless motion picture.

Sometimes there is a need to press pause,

To take some time,

To fully immerse ourselves in the present, 

To notice the suns warmth on our skin, 

The rustling of the wind through the trees,

Birds chattering,

And the butterfly fluttering amongst the long grass

A snapshot of time. 

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The Unknown

For some people thoughts of the unknown spark excitement, for others, like me, fear and many other uncomfortable feelings. This is the main, and only reason really, why I am struggling to feel excited about starting my new job tomorrow. I am allowing my nervousness to engulf me. Whenever I get nervous about something I try to employ two strategies to help, one possibly more productive than the other. The first is avoidance or procrastination, this was evident in the days leading up to my recent road trip. The second is planning and preparation. This is possibly to reduce what will be unknown, because somethings will be known, therefore reducing some of my anxiety.

To prepare for my new role I have done a few things;

1. Shop, purchasing new items for my work wardrobe. During my final university placement I started to create my work wardrobe. It mostly consists of denim and black jeans and a variety of different shirts. I like to look smart but it is not the type of job that requires a suit, luckily for me because I feel much more comfortable in my jeans.

2. Thinking about a new fitness schedule and getting back into jogging. When I was going out three times a week last year it began to feel much easier and I began to look forward to jogs as a time to clear my head.

3. Staying on the theme of improving my overall health, I have been planning healthy meals and snacks to keep me going during my long days. Starting slowly with a student cookbook I failed to make use of during the last three years. I also found a simple recipe for banana and raisin flapjacks on Gourmet Mum.

Allowing my uncomfortable feelings to be at the forefront of my mind can lead me to focus too heavily on the negative. One of my closest friends once quite honestly told me this and she is a hundred per cent correct. It is something I have been trying to change. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of a situation I need to make more of an effort to see the good and positive opportunities it could bring.

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Family

Today is Father's Day but as well as thinking about how important my Dad is to me, I decided to also reflect on how other members of my family are too. This is because although my Dad is a very significant person in my life he is one member of my family who are all important to me. I come from quite a small family but we are quite compact, sadly we used to be closer. Growing up there were many family dinners where we would all gather together and sit around the table for hours talking, eating and drinking. In the last few years we have drifted apart a little, growing in different directions and living our lives separately. However, having said all of this, we are still there for each other. The thing love most abut my family and something I am extremely grateful for is that if something happens we all pull together and are there to help and support each other. 

Both my parents have made sacrifices so that my sister and I have always had perhaps not what we wanted but what we needed. Getting things we wanted was reserved for special occasions. I think this has made us value our possessions and gifts. My family have taught me to have a good work ethic. I am happy to work hard to get what I want and to work my way up. I feel this is what I have been doing for the last five years, since moving into health and social care and will continue to do in my new job. On the subject of my career in the health and social sector, my parents also allow and support me to make my own choices even if they are not sure they are the right ones. Changing my career was a decision they were concerned about, they were not sure it was for me, I was not sure either at the time but it was something I wanted to try and it worked. They have allowed me to find my way while letting me know that they are behind me, ready to catch me if I fall. I feel very lucky to have such good relationships with my parents and my sister. My sister is younger than me but as she is the less feisty of the two of us, she is often the person I turn to for advice on how to manage things in a calmer manner. I think we have grown closer in recent years as we have gotten older and I love this. There are also other close family members who I have spent time with during my childhood and now in adulthood who have taught me a lot and provided many great experiences and for those I am extremely thankful. 

Overall I am definitely a family girl and feel for those who do not or who have not had similar experiences as me. I like days like Mother's and Father's Day to take the time to reflect on what my parents have done for me and continue to do for me, to say I love you and thank you. I am also aware that parental figures do not have to be biological, they may be step parents, adoptive parents or foster carers, all of which can offer love, stability, guidance and support. All can be significant. I hope I can use my positive experiences with children who enter my life through family or friends.  

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