Me, Myself & I

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I'm a single gal who lives on her own with her two cats for company and cuddles

Sometimes I think I'm more bothered about how people will react or what they will think than my situation. Most of the time I'm happy being single. I have spent the last 6 years learning to be ok with it being just me. I know some people suspect that I am the way I am because of a past relationship and this maybe so but what I've learnt is that I want to rely on myself for my happiness. I want to know who I am and be comfortable with that. I recognised when watching the film 'How to be Single' that I often change when I start dating someone, I try to be who I think they want me to be. I don't want to do that. If and when I find myself in a relationship I want to be strong enough in myself to not change, consider compromise at times yes, but not change who I am. I saw a quote of Facebook the other day which I loved and which reflected what I've been working towards;

'You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don't see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. you have this one life. Make yourself proud.'

I do feel proud of what I have achieved over the last 6 years, I have found an area of work that I am passionate about. I started off at the bottom and have been working my way up, learning a lot and making new friends along the way. Part of that included going to university and gaining my degree. I also have my home that I have made, maintained and have plans to improve with some TLC. I have learnt to feel comfortable doing things I enjoy on my own like going for walks, out for meals, to the cinema and festivals. I even went away on my own last year, my road trip around the South of England. I also have a close family and friendship group who love and support me and I them. I have been part of their journeys as well; developing relationships, engagements, pregnancies and the birth of a first child. When I look ahead to the future and think about having a family, I think of doing it on my own. 

Some people might think that strange, or sad perhaps. I think it's realistic. Why put my life of hold because I haven't found that special person? Why should I miss out on doing the things I want to, that I enjoy, that make me happy?    

At IoW Festival

What are your thoughts on being single? Have you enjoyed being single?

Savouring Positive Experiences

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As you may know I am a planner. I like to be organised and plan ahead. Having a few days off and some short weeks around Christmas felt amazing and I made the most of it doing things I enjoy, relaxing, spending time with friends and family and doing some voluntary work. I also made a huge effort to leave work at work and really appreciate my time and life away from it. Partly, this was because I needed the break and some time for myself and partly because I knew that January and February were going to be extremely busy. As soon as I found out that I had Christmas Eve off I contemplated treating myself to a little bit of time in a local spa. When I discussed this with a friend she suggested that we go together in the New Year, which we did on Friday evening.

Browsing 'happiness' on Pinterest I came across an article which mentioned Savouring. When I Googled this term further I discovered that there has been research and a new model proposed to increase happiness which looks at savouring positive experiences. An article from the Huffington Post talks about Savouring in three categories; anticipate, present and reminisce/reflect.

The idea of Savouring happiness is about making positive moments and experiences last longer, enhancing those experiences and the state of happiness. One of the reasons I like making plans with friends and family and making plans to do things I enjoy is so that I have things to look forward to, to anticipate.

Being present and mindful are terms that are commonly used and have links with happiness. Being mindful allows you to fully appreciate the experience instead of rushing through it. I was worried that time would restrict my ability to be present as I rushed home from work, fed my cats and grabbed items such as my bikini, shampoo and moisturiser and then rushed off again to meet my friend at Ufford Park Spa. Once I had made my way through rush hour traffic and arrived I began to relax. I felt my excitement as I left the reception desk and headed to the changing rooms and as I swiped the card to unlock the door to the spa area. I felt the temperature change as I stepped inside, the heat. The feel and sound of the water as I stepped into the hydrotherapy pool. I looked up at the glass windows above and could see my reflection in the many panes, the stillness and the colours projected through the water. We were the only two people in the spa at the time so it was quiet, calm. I joined my friend at the seated area and turned on the jets, feeling the air massage our backs. Beautiful. Just what I needed at the end of the week and start my weekend.

I met up with some other friends yesterday and shared what we have been up to recently so I spoke about my visit to the spa, I had also mentioned my plans at work on Friday so I will probably discuss it with colleagues during the week. I am also writing about my experience here so have opportunities to reminisce and reflect.

Writing this post has made me realise that I often savour moments such as these, however, the important moments I don't savour as much are the smaller everyday ones. I have noticed recently, since attempting to do Yoga With Adriene's Yoga Camp I do find that I am present during my time on the mat and I do reflect and talk to others about the positive effects I have noticed since starting the programme. These positive effects are what motivate me to make the effort to find time to practice, although, I am not able to do this daily at the moment I am doing my best.

I would like to hear your experiences of Savouring

Starting a Journal

I had a diary once when I was younger, possibly after watching Bridget Jones' Diary, where I wrote pages and pages about my day, I'm not too sure that it was very reflective. I have seen blog posts about The Happiness Project and the Happiness Planner thought it was a great idea, but I'm not sure I could commit to it. Instead, I have decided to keep my own personal journal, a place to sort through my feelings from the day, a space to be reflective and grateful.

My wishes for the New Year are health and happiness and I believe that those two things are entwined, I think to be happy you have to have a healthy body and a healthy mind. Until recently I have focussed on the bigger things, achievements I have been working towards, goals reached. Some materialistic items also fall into that category, I feel I have worked hard to achieve and keep my home and my car. However, I still do not feel that happy. Looking back on 2015 it was a great year for me but when I reflect on it my strongest feeling is not happiness or elation, it is stress and anxiety. Achieving my goals, graduating from university and going on my solo road trip have only seemed to work for a short period of time in making me happy.

This year I want to learn more about happiness and how I be a happier person through reading, reflecting and listening. One part of this is about noticing and appreciating the smaller things. From a little while spent Googling this morning there many other things to try as well. So I will use this space to record my efforts and their outcomes.