Me, Myself & I

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I'm a single gal who lives on her own with her two cats for company and cuddles

Sometimes I think I'm more bothered about how people will react or what they will think than my situation. Most of the time I'm happy being single. I have spent the last 6 years learning to be ok with it being just me. I know some people suspect that I am the way I am because of a past relationship and this maybe so but what I've learnt is that I want to rely on myself for my happiness. I want to know who I am and be comfortable with that. I recognised when watching the film 'How to be Single' that I often change when I start dating someone, I try to be who I think they want me to be. I don't want to do that. If and when I find myself in a relationship I want to be strong enough in myself to not change, consider compromise at times yes, but not change who I am. I saw a quote of Facebook the other day which I loved and which reflected what I've been working towards;

'You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don't see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. you have this one life. Make yourself proud.'

I do feel proud of what I have achieved over the last 6 years, I have found an area of work that I am passionate about. I started off at the bottom and have been working my way up, learning a lot and making new friends along the way. Part of that included going to university and gaining my degree. I also have my home that I have made, maintained and have plans to improve with some TLC. I have learnt to feel comfortable doing things I enjoy on my own like going for walks, out for meals, to the cinema and festivals. I even went away on my own last year, my road trip around the South of England. I also have a close family and friendship group who love and support me and I them. I have been part of their journeys as well; developing relationships, engagements, pregnancies and the birth of a first child. When I look ahead to the future and think about having a family, I think of doing it on my own. 

Some people might think that strange, or sad perhaps. I think it's realistic. Why put my life of hold because I haven't found that special person? Why should I miss out on doing the things I want to, that I enjoy, that make me happy?    

At IoW Festival

What are your thoughts on being single? Have you enjoyed being single?

A Reverse Bucket List

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Lately, I have spent a lot of time thinking ahead, I like a plan to know what I am working towards. In a strange way that helps me to feel like I am not drifting or wasting time. Since finishing my degree and graduating I can't picture what's next. I can't figure out what my next goal is, what I want to work towards. I keep looking at my 30 Before 30 list and have many more things to tick off, however, I still feel like that's not enough. So instead I am going to try a reverse bucket list, a list of things I have done, a list of accomplishments. I first read about this idea on Boho Berry's blog and realised that I don't look back and value what I've achieved enough.

'Funny how quick we are to write off what we've done in the past and only focus on all the things we want for the future.'

So here's my reverse bucket list

1. May not have hung out with the cool kids at high school but threw some great parties with great friends

2. Left high school with good GCSE grades (this year it will be 10 years since my high school prom!)

3. Have been lucky enough to have been offered most jobs that I have interviewed for

4. Had some great experiences through volunteering

5. Travelled in England and Europe alone as well as with friends and family (many more places I have yet to visit)

6. Been on 3 girls holidays

7. Went on a solo road trip along the South Coast of England

8. Swam with dolphins

9. Seen live music at festivals and smaller venues

10. Bought a house (which I will have lived in for 5 years already in July)

11. Lived independently for almost 5 years

12. I have two cats (managed to keep them alive for 5 years also)

13. Graduated university

14. Completed a 5k Park Run

15. Jumped out of a plane

16. Got tattooed

17. Been asked to be a Bridesmaid (twice!)

18. Taken meaningful photos for two good friends

19. Able to afford a car I love

20. Pieces I've written for a local newspaper have been published online

What would be on your reverse bucket list?

A Fork in the Road

Image from Pinterest

A few months ago I explored my thoughts around choices in life, after reading Here or There. It's safe to say that during some particularly bad days or weeks I have questioned whether the career I went to university to pursue is actually for me. Whether I had made a mistake thinking I could do it. I also questioned what was stopping me from thinking about making a change - the safer (financially secure) option. Well, a job came up that I felt quite excited about so I applied. It's still within the same 'career' as such but in a different area. Hopefully this position suits me more as I made the decision not to re-apply for my job.

There is less of a fork in the road on the job front, however, I have been worried that there may be one ahead in relation to my friendships. My friends are getting to the stage where they are settling down with their boyfriends, getting married and having babies. My life is not going in that direction at all at the moment, I'm not sure whether I want it to. My worry is that I will have less and less in common with my friends and they will build friendships with people that they do have more in common with.

My fears have been dampened by a change of attitude. A more positive outlook (I'm trying something new). I was genuinely happy for both friends who got engaged last year and for one who found out she was pregnant. That happiness and excitement was expressed through conversations about plans and sending them ideas/inspiration I came across. My worries were lessened when both friends asked me to be one of their bridesmaids, I can't describe how much it meant to me to be asked. It also meant a lot when my friend accepted my offer to take some pregnancy photographs. All these things have enabled me to feel included in the changes in their lives and not left behind.

I was worried that our paths were going to begin to go in different directions but these moments reassure me that our friendships are stronger than that and we can remain friends even when our lives change and grow even if that takes us in different directions.

Have you had a fork in the road in part of your life? How did you decide which road to take?

The New Year

Reflections on 2015

Two thousand and fifteen feels like it has been a stressful year, I feel stressed and unable to relax and I'm not too sure why. Yes I have a lot of responsibility in my new job but that it what I have spent the last three years at university working towards. Sometimes I wonder if it is the right job for me but I continue to stick with it because I do not like to give up and it has only been six months. My contract is only for twelve months so we will see what happens and where I go in July 2016.

Aside from the negativity around my job (which apart from the stress and perhaps anxiety, I mostly enjoy when I'm there doing it), two thousand and fifteen has been a pretty good year.

The moments I am most proud of are; actually planning and going on my solo road trip in June and graduating from university.

The things I am most grateful for are; the health of my family and friends, being asked by a close friend to be one of her bridesmaids, the opportunity to go to and graduate from university and getting a job straight out of university.

Looking ahead to 2016

Since Christmas my thoughts have wandered ahead to the New Year and my wishes for two thousand and sixteen. I already have a few things to look forward to; a family holiday for my Sisters 21st birthday in April and my friends wedding in July. There is also the possibility of me finding a new job, which I could consider as an exciting opportunity (instead of feeling extremely nervous about - a bit of positive thinking!).

I do not usually make New Year's resolutions because I rarely see them through. So this New Year I have three wishes; to be happy, to be healthy and to tick some things off my 30 before 30 list which I wrote here.

Image from Pinterest

What were your favourite moments from 2015 and do you have any wishes for 2016?

A Christmas Countdown

I didn't write a post last week, purposely because it would have been an outpouring of my frustrations. My work life balance, which was something I felt needed to change, has not. Perhaps in the few weeks leading up to last weekend it had gotten worse. I really notice the difference in the way I feel when I've not eaten healthily and recently I have not prioritised food shopping and cooking balanced meals. This along with having trouble switching off at night and sleeping led me to feel as if I was walking around in a haze, functioning on auto pilot without much thought. I was exhausted. Not good at any time of the year but definitely not how I want to be feeling in the run up to Christmas, a season I usually look forward to, one that fills me with excitement.

Last Saturday I took my Nan into town to do a bit of Christmas shopping. As with doing our shop for the Christmas shoebox, going out Christmas shopping has become something we do together. It gives Nan and I some time together and also allows her to pick some gifts for the family instead of giving money because she does not always feel confident going out alone. Our first stop was of course Greggs for some coffee and cake.

After our afternoon shopping I dropped Nan at home and headed to my friends for the evening. It has become a tradition for the three of us to go out to dinner instead of swapping gifts at Christmas. We decided to go to a local Indian restaurant. This was for two reasons, it tastes yummy and is really good value for money. We always leave stuffed and satisfied. Earlier in the afternoon I was telling Nan about our dinner plans and began to feel a little guilty, knowing my Nan really enjoys a curry. I ended up offering to order, collect and deliver a take away for her which she really appreciated and hopefully enjoyed.

We headed back to my friends and we made ourselves comfortable on her bed. It reminded me of when we lived with our parents and used to do the same in each others bedrooms when we used to meet up. The conversation turned to my love life, or lack of it and continued with discussions about online dating. We had some fun and laughs composing a profile and considering possible matches. However, the next day things did not seem quite so funny. Usually being single doesn't really bother me, I have had been busy with university, friends and family and been quite content on my own. Perhaps it is the time of year and the number of festive films that feature love, romance, relationships and happy endings.

Image from Pinterest

Last Sunday was my first shift this year at the Winter Night Shelter. It is organised in partnership with local churches and opens its doors from December through to March, the coldest months of the year. The night shelter has previously had three shifts; the morning, evening and night shift. This year they have decided to offer an extra Sunday afternoon shift and some additional afternoon shifts over the festive period. Due to work commitments this year I have volunteered to help out during the Sunday afternoon shifts once a fortnight. I was careful not to take on too much as I can sometimes struggle balancing work and my life outside of it. I turned up at the hosting church ready for my shift to begin at 1.30 and stayed until 4.30. In that time not one guest turned up. On the one hand that could be really positive, that they feel they do not need to come to the shelter because they have other places to go, I know that the library is a popular place due to it being warm, having free books to read and the internet to surf. However, what is not offered at the library is food and drinks free of charge. On the other hand, I am now a little hesitant to possibly give up time with my family on Boxing Day to help out at the shelter. I struggle with my negativity around this and wonder if I am being too selfish and focused on my own needs and wants rather than those of others. Perhaps, there is a little of my Nan's need to feel needed in me.

This week I have attempted to be kinder to myself, I have made a real effort to leave work on time, although there were a few late visits that needed to be made. I made a more conscious effort to have one hot meal a day, even if Thursday it was a jacket potato with cheese and baked beans. I felt better by Friday but I think having supervision with my supervisor and arranging to use my TOIL (time off in lieu) on Christmas Eve helped quite a lot. Now I have five days off to look forward to!

Image from Google

A Weeked with Friends

Saturday

Quite often when my friends and I meet up either food or coffee are involved. On the Saturday, a few weeks ago now, I drove to Lakeside with some friends to go bridesmaid shopping. I was truly excited when I received a message and photograph, whilst I was away on my road trip earlier this year, telling me that she was engaged! I felt honoured when I returned home, around two weeks later, to find a hand written envelope waiting for me, inside was a simple, yet beautiful gift and a special question.

We had an appointment at a bridal shop to start the day and to hopefully find some inspiration. My friend and I had had a sneaky peak at some dresses a few weeks before when I had gone with her to try on some wedding dresses. The previous bridal shop we visited had a whole floor dedicated to bridesmaid dresses. The shop we visited in Lakeside had far fewer to browse through. Having said that, we managed to find a few to try on. When we had looked before I got the idea that we may get short dresses, however, on this occasion the longer dresses were a lot nicer and there was slightly more choice so we ended up dragging a few through to the dressing room. We found one dress that we each tried on and all liked the way that it looked (once the helpful assistant had pinned it anyway). I haven't had a good reason to wear a pretty dress since my high school prom nine years ago.

Then it was time for food! I didn't realise there was a restaurant on a boat at Lakeside, last time I visited I went for the standard Nandos. I love something a little different though so was pleased the decision was made to go aboard. A bottle of Prosecco was ordered to share and add a little sparkle to the afternoon. The restaurant is a Miller & Carter and was dark and sleek inside. There is a very reasonably priced lunch menu that is even served on a Saturday which I was surprised by. I was tempted by the burger, but typically I go for a burger, so thought I would try something a little different. As the restaurant is a steakhouse, I decided I would order steak in a toasted onion ciabatta served with seasoned fries. The meal was finished off nicely with a sweet caramel apple crumble tart. A continued wander around the shops was welcomed after the large lunch.

Sunday

My friend picked me up from mine about 11am and we drove to Norwich to meet our friend who moved their with her other half last year. A journey that should only take an hour took more like two thanks to road works so we were definitely ready to go into the city centre and eat when we finally arrived. We ended up going to Bill's. As soon as we walked through the door I loved it! The décor is rustic and quirky. There is exposed plaster, brick, metal and wood.

Image from Pinterest

We all ended up ordering the same, Bill's pink lemonade and burger with various toppings followed by cinnamon doughnuts. I enjoyed the food as much as my surroundings and the atmosphere. After our long lunch, we did a little shopping before heading home.

 

Have you eaten anywhere you really liked recently?

Meeting a Milestone: Graduation

I begin to write as I am getting into bed. I don't want to wipe off my make up and the day with it. I don't want to go to sleep and begin a new day tomorrow. I don't want today to end. Today is the day graduated, an achievement I always wanted to accomplish but was not sure that I would.

I graduated on Tuesday. The excitement had been building in the run up to the day itself, receiving tickets, shopping for new outfits and party planning. The day really began when I stepped out of the shower at 10.30 and started to get ready. I had bought my outfit from River Island a few weeks before, the high waisted leather skirt and black top. I was a little worried that I may get a bit chilly throughout the day as it is now autumn so the Sunday before I happened to buy a slouchy green jumper from H&M which I thought would go really well to slip on before and after the ceremony. I finished my outfit off with a gold necklace my friends bought me for my birthday, although you couldn't really see it with my gown on, and an old pair of black shoe boots.

My parents and sister arrived at mine just before midday. We drove to the quayside for an al fresco lunch. My parents and I tucked into chicken, bacon and pesto wraps and my sister a bacon sarnie. I was extremely lucky with the weather, it was a bright, sunny and reasonably warm day for this time of year. We sat looking out at the water and boats in the marina, beautiful. My sister also gave me a small wrapped box. Peeling away the paper revealed a box labelled Class of 2015 and inside the cutest charm for my bracelet!

After lunch we headed to the Town Hall for the ceremony. I made plans to meet my friend outside, we greeted each other with smiles filled with excitement and nerves and headed inside to collect our hired cap and gown. We were dressed and guided through to have our official photographs taken. After all of this there was still some time to take some photo's outside with friends and family before the ceremony began at 3pm.

The ceremony began with a formal procession of the university faculty members dressed in their ceremonial outfits. There was then some short speeches and the introduction of the honourary fellow, Maureen Reynel MBE. Maureen founded and continues to run a local charity, FIND, supporting homeless individuals and those living on a low income. The charity is well known for providing food parcels but also offers other types of emergency aid such as; household and nursery items.

Having worked alongside Maureen in the summer of 2013, I found her presence and speech very meaningful and moving. She spoke about her work but also the responsibility we have to consider the lives of others and our contribution to society. That we should be mindful of our judgements of others, we cannot know what has led them down that particular path and there is no reason why we should not treat everyone with respect.

Maureen has achieved a lot in her lifetime, although perhaps not in a way that others would judge as so. Her achievement has been based in helping others through fostering and her charity work. Maureen is someone I admire and aspire to be like, her caring nature, motivation, dedication and passion.

Graduates were then asked stand, row by row and line up by the stage, wait for their name to called, walk across the stage and receive their degree. This is the part of the ceremony I have been dreading and was extremely nervous about. I am not someone who likes to be up on stage or pulled out from a crowd. I was also very anxious about walking across the stage without tripping in my heels.

I managed the walk without tripping! After the walk my nervousness dissolved and I was free to enjoy the rest of the day. When the ceremony concluded the graduates were asked to file out onto the front steps of the Town Hall for our official class photo. Walking out through the wide open doors I saw the rest of my family ready and waiting. My parents and sister had guest tickets so were present during the ceremony.

Seeing the faces of my family members light up filled me with happiness and pride. The day was made special for me by the presence of my family. Without them it would not have been the same. I am aware how lucky I am that so many family members could make my special day and for that I am grateful.

After a few more photographs we headed to a local restaurant for a family meal and cake!

 

Have you graduated?

How did you celebrate?

If you haven't reached graduation yet, keep going it's worth all the hard work and it's never too late!

Making The Effort: Promises to Myself

This week has been a tough one. Usually making the effort to maintain relationships with family and friends is something I am quite good at. Making the effort to do things that will enhance my wellbeing is an area of weakness. The impact of this has been very clear this week. I have felt tired and run down and have had  sore throat and head cold that has not only made me feel pretty rubbish and sorry for myself it has also had an impact on my enthusiasm and communication with my friends. I have sometimes left messages unanswered for days and have retreated into myself. I feel that I have allowed myself to slip into a viscous cycle of being unhealthy, feeling lethargic and needing to rest. I then don't feel as though I have the energy to do the healthy things that will help me to feel better.

Image from Pinterest

Lets start small. I do not think that I can change how much time I spend at work, as things need to get done. I did make myself a promise when I started that if I needed to work late, it would only be on a certain day so that it was contained. This has not happened, often I find I am still at my desk at 6pm, sometimes I will get home and think 'oh I'll just write and send that email', or 'I'll just write up that visit'.

Promise 1: to leave work on time at 5.30 between 3-4 times a week

Sometimes I get home and feel the need to reflect on the day or a visit. I often use my reflective log as a therapeutic tool, to write down and sort through my worries. It can also aid my development by thinking about how I could do differently in the future and how I could move forward with an issue. This I feel is a positive use of my time, although preferably there would be enough time to do this at the end of my work day before arriving home.

Sometimes my reflective log helps but I still can't completely switch off from work, thinking about things I haven't managed to complete that day and my ever expanding to do list for the next day.

Promise 2: to listen to a short mindfulness meditation video as soon as possible after arriving home or after some reflection and be grateful (write a gratitude list)

Healthy eating and nutrition is another area where I lack considerably. Again, I started to do a regular weekly food shop and planned my meals for the week, meat, veg and pasta. This was not only for my evening meals but my packed lunches as well. The main reason why I slip up with my food shopping and meal preparation is due to leaving work late and wanting time to relax instead of doing chores.

Promise 3: take daily multi-vitamins, do a weekly meal plan and food shop

Using my time effectively is important when there isn't much of it spare. During the 30 minutes or so that my dinner is cooking I can study; read articles or books that relating to my job or listen to inspiring and informative podcasts or TED talks. I could also use this time to exercise, I have a cross trainer residing in my spare bedroom, a dusty workout dvd or a wide range of videos I can access through YouTube. I have no good excuses not to do something.

Promise 4: to use my time wisely; read, listen, exercise

Promise 5: do something fun once in a while

One a day to day basis I enjoy some time to slob on the sofa and watch crime dramas having cuddles with my two cats and reading before bed. In recent weeks a friend and I have also been trying our very best to get to a local Zumba class on a Tuesday evening (if work permits). Sometimes I actually enjoy the class more if we have missed a week because I generally forget how much fun a class can be. The music is often upbeat and energetic and going with a friend allows me to feel comfortable to let go and have some fun.

While browsing Pinterest for some images to accompany this post I came across a self care 30 day challenge. I love this idea and am going to incorporate some of the ideas suggested alongside my own promises for 30 days and see how I feel at the end of it. The hashtag associated with the challenge is #loveyourself

How do you practice self care and self love?
If you want to join me or have taken part in the 30 day challenge before I would really like to know how you found it

Dilemma: How do I do it all?

I managed to catch a glimpse of a blogger chat, I think it was during the week but could have been the week before, about the types of posts people enjoy reading. One of my favourites is lifestyle posts sharing exercise routines, clean living and TED talks. These posts inspire me to live better, healthier. I definitely think this is something I need to work harder on, especially in the area I have decided to work with its high rate of burnout.

I am currently working on my home/work balance because currently it is pretty unbalanced, with me spending too much time at work, thinking or worrying about it. There are a number of reasons for this; I am reasonably new to the role (coming up to 4 months already!), I am still learning and finding my feet, although my workload is protected it still feels pretty busy with deadlines that need to met and the biggest issues of them all are that I always want to do well and make a good impression as well as being a worrier. Being a worrier does not help when it comes to leaving work at work at the end of every day. In recent weeks, I have also struggled to leave work at work over the weekend which has meant that I haven't really given myself any time off to unwind and relax.

I have been thinking about things that could improve the quality of my home life;

• eating healthy meals 
• exercise 
• mindfulness and meditation
• doing things I enjoy (watching tv, reading, drinking coffee, taking photographs, blog reading and writing, going to the cinema, volunteering)
• having time to myself 
• spending time with friends and family 
• keeping my home clean and tidy 
• working on diy projects (at the moment my stairs and upstairs landing

This is the bit I have yet to figure out, how do I do it all? 

I am usually quite an organised person and like everything to be planned. But I have found that as I need to be so organised while at work (well I try my best to be) that I now feel that I need some unplanned time in my home life. I don't want a to do list when I get home, it seems that this even applies to things that I like doing as well as those I'm not as keen on such as cleaning. 

Image from Pinterest

I would be grateful for any ideas on how I can create a healthier work/home life balance 

A Birthday Treat: Afternoon Tea in Aldeburgh

I spent this afternoon with two of my closest friends celebrating my birthday. My birthday isn't for another week but due to my friends shift patterns this was closest date we could find. We arranged to meet in Aldeburgh at 1pm in the car park near the Scallop sculpture.

Image from Google

We were really lucky with the weather, the sun was out and I felt it was warm enough to wear jeans and a floral shirt. We arranged to meet an hour and a half before our afternoon tea was booked to have time to wander around. We walked along the promenade to the other side of the town, the beach is scattered with wooden huts selling freshly caught fish and boats. The beach was also populated with individuals savouring the popular fish and chips.

On our way back towards the White Lion, where we were to sit and enjoy our afternoon tea, we chose to walk through the town and do a little window shopping. Aldeburgh has a mix of branded and independent shops, cafes and restaurants and the cutest buildings! It's a place that I would love to go back to and take lots of photos.

When we arrived at the White Lion, we were greeted at the door and asked whether we would prefer to sit on the sofas or in the main restaurant. We initially chose the sofas but soon realised that they would not be very easy to eat at. The staff were very friendly and accommodating and allowed us to change our minds and find a new place to sit. We were served tea and coffee a short while before the food. After the drinks were poured it was time to open presents. I really value the gifts I receive from friends and family, especially the thought that has gone into what they choose. This year was no different.

And then the food was served...

Photo borrowed from C

The sandwich fillings included; tuna, egg, cheese and pickle and ham. They could be described as simple fillings but that's fine by me and I like them all.

The sweet treats included; fruit scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam, chocolate and nut brownies, cookies, meringue and rose flavoured marshmallows.

It was a lovely afternoon catching up with my friends, eating good food and drinking too much tea and coffee. We all left feeling very full! The short walk back to the car was needed before we all headed home

Living for the Future

Are we too focused on living for the future and missing out on the here and now?

This was a question posed within Paper Towns and it got me thinking. At school teachers constantly communicate the message that you are working towards getting good grades to get into sixth form or college and then on to university. While you are studying at university you are thinking ahead to getting good grades again, this time to get a good job post qualifying.

I'm guilty of looking forward and at times wishing my life away. When I was younger I remember thinking, I wish I was older so I could do this or that. I have always planned for the future through setting goals and having ideas of what I want to accomplish. I'm not sure there is a problem with planning for and working towards the future. However, I think the problem comes when you are so focused on the future that you are not present and are at risk of missing out on special everyday moments that our lives are made up of. Again, I could also be guilty of this, this is evident at the moment, having recently finished university and started a new job I am already thinking what now.

I'm not sure that it would be physically possible for me to start anything new at the moment, as I'm still learning all about my new job and don't get home most nights until 6.30, 7. Simple tasks just to look after myself are an effort because I am so tired. Plus I haven't even graduated yet so really that chapter in my life has not reached its conclusion.

I sometimes find it difficult to appreciate the simple everyday moments that get us from one day to the next. I seem to have a need to fill any gaps in my life and feel as though I am moving forward, working towards something. Another big part of my need is to feel as though I have a purpose, that I am doing something worthwhile and therefore I am worthwhile.

I want to be more present and mindful, to value and enjoy it. I realise that this is something that will not happen overnight. I guess it could be my new goal. Like any new skill it needs to be practiced, so taking inspiration from posts about gratitude journals I am going to begin something very similar. To try and become more aware and appreciative of everyday simple pleasures I am going to reflect daily and write down at least one positive thing, hopefully there will be more than one but we'll have to see. I think it's easy to take those moments for granted and miss them occasionally.

Image from Pinterest

Finding My Feet

The last two weeks have been spent getting used to my new job and new routines. I have found it really tiring and the days just seem to fly by! Something that has been really helpful is that the team I am working with are very friendly and welcoming. They were even thoughtful enough to acknowledge a colleague and I receiving our final university results and discovering that we had passed our degree. I thought it was a lovely gesture, it really is about the little things sometimes.

At times during the last two weeks I have felt a little uncertain, unsure of my ability. When this happens I try and give myself a bit of a pep talk and reassure myself. I have proven that I can do this I just need to believe in myself and realise that it is normal to not walk into a job and know exactly what to do straight away. I am trying to be realistic and not expect too much from myself like I normally do. Having the positive previous experience of working in an adoption team for my student placement last year has really helped with reassuring myself and my self confidence.

Eager to learn and to do my best I signed up to attend a training session on the first Saturday after starting the job. The day was really great for two reasons, firstly, it reinforced things that I already knew, which increased confidence in my ability, and secondly, I learnt about new strategies that I can use in my practice. My employer also allows TOIL (time off in lieu) so I can take the hours back at the end of this month and spend an extra day in Amsterdam.

Image from Pinterest

I had planned to get back into healthier eating and exercising regularly when I started work. I thought having more routine would help but my big ideas haven't really gone to plan. My two biggest issues at the moment are time, the lack of, and energy, again the lack of. Monday's have started positively, I have had the weekend to go shopping and prepare meals for the first few days of the week. I have also gone out jogging after work on both Monday's but have not been able to keep it up throughout the week. My aim is to go back to going out jogging three times a week, when I was doing this last year I found it much easier once I got into the routine.

 

The Unknown

For some people thoughts of the unknown spark excitement, for others, like me, fear and many other uncomfortable feelings. This is the main, and only reason really, why I am struggling to feel excited about starting my new job tomorrow. I am allowing my nervousness to engulf me. Whenever I get nervous about something I try to employ two strategies to help, one possibly more productive than the other. The first is avoidance or procrastination, this was evident in the days leading up to my recent road trip. The second is planning and preparation. This is possibly to reduce what will be unknown, because somethings will be known, therefore reducing some of my anxiety.

To prepare for my new role I have done a few things;

1. Shop, purchasing new items for my work wardrobe. During my final university placement I started to create my work wardrobe. It mostly consists of denim and black jeans and a variety of different shirts. I like to look smart but it is not the type of job that requires a suit, luckily for me because I feel much more comfortable in my jeans.

2. Thinking about a new fitness schedule and getting back into jogging. When I was going out three times a week last year it began to feel much easier and I began to look forward to jogs as a time to clear my head.

3. Staying on the theme of improving my overall health, I have been planning healthy meals and snacks to keep me going during my long days. Starting slowly with a student cookbook I failed to make use of during the last three years. I also found a simple recipe for banana and raisin flapjacks on Gourmet Mum.

Allowing my uncomfortable feelings to be at the forefront of my mind can lead me to focus too heavily on the negative. One of my closest friends once quite honestly told me this and she is a hundred per cent correct. It is something I have been trying to change. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of a situation I need to make more of an effort to see the good and positive opportunities it could bring.

Image from Pinterest

Home

I am finally home after three weeks away, two on holiday and one staying with my Grandad to be his carer while my parents had a break and flew to Menorca for a week in the sun. My boys enjoyed being home, after staying at my Grandad's for the three weeks. Being home means they have their cat flap and their independence back. They can roam free in the garden and neighbouring ones.

Alfie

Ollie

This coming July will mark the three of us living in this house for four years! It has gone so quick and I can't quite believe all that has happened during that time. The year I moved out of my parents home and into my own I changed my career, to the health and social care sector not knowing if it would be for me as it turned out it is, been to university to further that career and am starting a new job in the field on Monday. I have also been fortunate enough to go one holidays with friends, family and on my own and spend lots of quality time with friends and family doing everyday things as well as going to festivals and celebrating things in their lives. Things like, returning from travelling, gaining qualifications, getting a dream job, new homes and engagements.

It took a while, a few years in fact, for this house to really feel like my home. Perhaps it was because I always kept myself quite busy and had such a lot going on in my life to really spend much time at home or much time making it mine. It has only been the last few years when walking through the front door I got 'aw I'm home' feeling. It may have been time but I think it helped that I started to make small changes too. I bought little items, lamps, pictures and candles and re-painted a few rooms.

On one hand I wish I had re-vamped the whole house before I moved in so it was new, fresh and felt more like mine but on the other I kind of like that the house in evolving and growing with me. Three things I'm planning to do this year;

1. re-paint the kitchen
2. paint the stairs
3. put more of my photographs up on the walls

The kitchen needs to be re-painted out of necessity more than choice, last year I had a leak in my bathroom which caused a whole in my kitchen ceiling. This has since been repaired but I have not gotten around to re-painting. Currently, I have a lovely plaster coloured ceiling. The two main reasons for avoiding this has been that I do not like the idea of painting a ceiling or around my cupboards, both just look really awkward! Last year I painted my banister white to match the doors, for some reason the previous owner had white doors all through the house but kept the dark wood banister. It only took me three years to change it. The small pieces of carpet I have downstairs in the lounge and the stairs and upstairs landing is old and needs replacing but I'm not sure I want to change it for me carpet, I have heard carpet can be quite expensive. Instead, I thought about taking up the carpet, sanding the wood underneath and painting it, although I still need to firmly decide on a colour. My thoughts are heading towards a slate grey, this is because white will show the dirt and black is too dark. I also thought that slate grey would go nicely with the pastel pink in the hallway and upstairs landing. We will see...

Finally, I have had an interest in photography for a few years but usually end up taking a load of photo's and then doing nothing with them. I want that to change. Amongst other things, I also want to actually learn how to use my DSLR camera properly instead of leaving it on its automatic setting, pointing it and clicking the button. For Christmas my parents had one of my photographs printed and I have it framed on my wall by the dining table. It's a photograph of a place that is very special to me and allows me to feel calm, peaceful and reflective when I look at it. I would like to get a few photos from my recent road trip printed, partly as a reminder to myself that I did it and that I saw some really stunning sights.