Me, Myself & I

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I'm a single gal who lives on her own with her two cats for company and cuddles

Sometimes I think I'm more bothered about how people will react or what they will think than my situation. Most of the time I'm happy being single. I have spent the last 6 years learning to be ok with it being just me. I know some people suspect that I am the way I am because of a past relationship and this maybe so but what I've learnt is that I want to rely on myself for my happiness. I want to know who I am and be comfortable with that. I recognised when watching the film 'How to be Single' that I often change when I start dating someone, I try to be who I think they want me to be. I don't want to do that. If and when I find myself in a relationship I want to be strong enough in myself to not change, consider compromise at times yes, but not change who I am. I saw a quote of Facebook the other day which I loved and which reflected what I've been working towards;

'You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don't see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. you have this one life. Make yourself proud.'

I do feel proud of what I have achieved over the last 6 years, I have found an area of work that I am passionate about. I started off at the bottom and have been working my way up, learning a lot and making new friends along the way. Part of that included going to university and gaining my degree. I also have my home that I have made, maintained and have plans to improve with some TLC. I have learnt to feel comfortable doing things I enjoy on my own like going for walks, out for meals, to the cinema and festivals. I even went away on my own last year, my road trip around the South of England. I also have a close family and friendship group who love and support me and I them. I have been part of their journeys as well; developing relationships, engagements, pregnancies and the birth of a first child. When I look ahead to the future and think about having a family, I think of doing it on my own. 

Some people might think that strange, or sad perhaps. I think it's realistic. Why put my life of hold because I haven't found that special person? Why should I miss out on doing the things I want to, that I enjoy, that make me happy?    

At IoW Festival

What are your thoughts on being single? Have you enjoyed being single?

Home & Garden: Outside

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have nearly lived in my home for five years. I'm sad to say that I haven't done much to it. Not like my friends who re-decorated before they moved in. I have re-painted and my parents helped me with my garden and that's about it. Today I had a new fence erected so I now have one that can stand up on its own without support. Feels a bit grown up to start spending money on your home. Since getting my post qualifying job last year I have been thinking about things I would like to do now I have a little bit more money to spend on it. Of course I have been browsing Pinterest for inspiration and thought I would share some of my pins with you.

 

 

 

 

 

I want to neaten up the area in front of the house and have thought about planting a lavender bush for a while. I want to re-paint the house and really like the cream and grey/green colours. I know everyone moans about how slippery decking is, I still love it and would like to have it in a section of the garden. I would like to add a bit of colour and some nice scents to my borders as well as adding a comfy, relaxed seating area with lights or candles. As I've mentioned before I love the sound of running water to a water feature would be amazing!

 

What would you love to have in your garden?

Wonder.land

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Last weekend a friend and I went to watch the modern adaptation of Alice in Wonderland, Wonder.land. I enjoy watching shows in London but haven't been for a while. I often choose to see productions of films that I have seen; Dirty Dancing, Chicago, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory are some that I have been to. My favourite show that I've seen so far has to be Legally Blonde, I went to see it three times! I like any excuse for a day out and love the energy, the buzz I often feel when I'm in London. I like the busyness, the rush, winding in and out of crowds. I'm not as keen on the traffic, grid-locked roads and the crowded tubes that are often close to bursting at the seams.

Last weekend, we were really lucky with the weather, although it was a little cloudy it was dry and warm enough for a light jacket and scarf. As Wonder.land was being performed at the National Theatre we decided to park near Tower Bridge and walk along the South Bank of the River Thames. I was aware of how happy I was simply being outside in the fresh air, as opposed to inside in an office or my car where I spend the majority of my time during the week. It was also lovely to be by the river, I love the sound of water; whether it's the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, a gentle flow of a stream or a water feature, the running of a bath or shower. There was also amazing views along the river, Tower Bridge, the Shard, the Gherkin, St Paul's Cathedral, modern glass buildings of all shapes and sizes alongside more classic architecture. We also passed the OXO building and the Tate Modern.

We arrived at the National Theatre about half an hour before the performance was due to begin to collect our tickets, get something to eat and pre-order our drinks for the interval. We grabbed a sandwich from the café in the theatre which I thought was reasonably priced, about £7 for a baguette and a slice of cake. We then headed up to the second floor to the Oliver Theatre for the show.

Our decision to go was very last minute but luckily there were a few seats left. When purchasing theatre tickets I usually pick the second from cheapest price band. I was pleasantly surprised when we located our seats a few moments before the show started. Because of the theatres small size, although our seats were two or three rows from the back of the Circle section, we were still not very far away from the stage.

I don't want to give too much of the storyline away but I found it really powerful and moving during some sections and felt that it covered some difficult but current topics about why people go online and the darker side of the online world well while still following the classic Alice in Wonderland storyline of self discovery we know, love and expect, as well as cleverly introducing the various, well known, characters along the way. I think one of my favourite parts was the Caterpillar, the costumes, lighting and effects but more importantly what he had to say. His question, the only question that really matters...

Who are you? 

Female





From Google Images

What does it mean to be female in todays society?

Recently, I have seen blog posts and news articles about being female, being a woman, from Lady Writes post 'Here's to the Girl Boss generation' and Tanya Burr's post 'Time for Girls' to International Women's Day which was celebrated on Tuesday the 8th of March. All of these things have led me to thinking more and more about what it means to be a woman in todays society.

Growing up as a teenager I rejected a lot of what I thought defined a girl. I wanted to be seen as strong not weak, I wanted to be on the same level as or better than the boys. Even at primary school I played football with my boy friends, I raced against them on sports day. For a long time my Uncle kept a photo of me running alongside two of the boys in my class. In high school I found I preferred being friends with boys, for a sort while I was the only girl in our small group of friends and I didn't want to be treated any differently by them because of it. I wanted to be seen by them as 'one of the guys.'

As an adult I have clear, strong views about wanting to be independent and about wanting to be in a balanced relationship where roles and chores are shared. At the moment I have no intention of becoming someone's housewife, however, that may change in the future. I also have my own views about how I would like to start a family, which again may not be seen as traditional by others. But does it and should it matter what others think of my choices?

Feminism by definition is 'the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.' I really enjoyed Emma Watson's UN speech about Feminism, especially where she talked about it being a movement for both men and women, where she discussed and challenged stereotypes of both men and women. You can find it here.

Am I a feminist?

I am not sure. What I do know is that I believe that women should have and exercise their right to make choices about their own lives. To choose who they want to be and who they want to be in a relationship with, whether they want to focus on their career or raising a family or juggle both.

Within Tanya's post there is a link to another website with many ways of getting involved and supporting gender equality and women. I clicked on the HeForShe tab as it was a campaign I heard about through Emma's speech. The campaign focuses on six areas where gender equality can be promoted; education, health, identity, work, violence and poverty.

 'How strongly do you feel influenced by traditional gender expectations?'

 

Image from Google Images

 

A January Update

January, perhaps not the best month of the year, the festive period fading into a distant memory fast, returning to work after a few days or weeks off, the dark mornings making it difficult to start the day and get motivated.

I have made a few small changes to try and increase my happiness and health. I have been using my journal to spend some time thinking about my day, to think about and appreciate things that have made me happy and things that I am grateful for. I have been listening to this guided meditation most mornings before work with positive affirmations. It is not only a lovely way to start the day but is also helping the shift in my perspective from defeatist to I can manage and enjoy today.

'Today is a great day'

I have also been doing Yoga Camp with Yoga with Adriene. I have tried to sit each day and follow the programme, however, this has not always been possible. I find it easier to make time for the shorter videos (20-30 minutes) and appreciate the time spent on the mat. The time spent moving into and holding different positions and stretches. Even time spent sat breathing mindfully with a scented candle burning is appreciated and I have been able to notice a difference in myself. I believe that the positive affirmations that Adriene has incorporated are helpful too. I feel stronger, that things are more manageable.

'I am capable'

The first full week back at work after Christmas was stressful but I don't think I can get away from that in the career I have chosen. However, as I mentioned above, I feel more capable, more able to manage it. Perhaps, beginning to have more faith in myself, my ability to manage and to do my job well.

To support my resolution to be healthier I have been making healthier choices when it comes to my meals, taking a balanced lunch to work most days and preparing and cooking for myself in the evenings. I have also been making the effort to not leave work too late so that I have the time and energy to show up for myself and follow all these things through. As well as this, I have also been making more time for friends. In the months leading up to Christmas I had no energy left after work to want to socialise, instead, I would just crash in front of the tv when I got home in the evenings and weekends. I suppose without realising it, this enabled me to withdraw a little.

I met a friend for dinner Wednesday evening at Chiquito and enjoyed a passion fruit mojito with my chicken fajitas and as we all need a treat once in a while I also had a banana fried in a cinnamon tortilla, yummy! I definitely think celebrating mid-week is something that needs to happen regularly from now on.

Friday evening a friend and I were invited to our friends birthday meal with her family where we along with her two sisters were asked to be her bridesmaids! What a great way to end the first week back after Christmas. I feel so lucky and thankful that another of my friends wants me to stand beside her on one of the biggest days of her life.

I hope you have all had a positive week and your resolutions, intentions or goals are going well

Holiday Traditions

I have recently read a few blog posts about Christmas traditions and it got me thinking about the holidays that my family celebrate. When I think about it we don't celebrate many at all. Pancake day (proper name Shrove Tuesday) often brings my immediate family together to share a few pancakes after an evening meal. I think on a few occasions I have driven to my Mum's after a Zumba class to scoff pancakes! I understand that Shrove Tuesday is a religious day but as I do not have a faith many holidays have become about bringing my family together. We may also share a meal for Easter and swap Easter eggs, or in my Sisters case Easter themed cupcakes due to her dislike of chocolate.

And then comes Christmas!

This is my favourite holiday and again is all about family and loved ones. Even though my parents, my sister and I all live in different places we come together Christmas morning, although it gets closer to midday each year, to open our presents. Presents are handed around one at a time from under the tree and we watch each other open the gifts that have been thoughtfully purchased and not always as thoughtfully wrapped if they are mine. We take the time to appreciate each gift and thank the person who gave it. This is accompanied by a cd of Christmas songs playing softly in the background and in recent years my parents log burner glowing away. Although we travel back to my parents home to open our presents we always do so in our pyjamas and I have been known to start the day with a festive snowball cocktail. There is then a little bit of time for each of us to get ready for the family meal. We try to alternate between my parents home and m Auntie's for Christmas dinner and try to get as many family members together as possible, this year it will be a little quieter than usual. We spend the rest of the afternoon and evening eating and spending time together around the table.

It would seem, like possibly many other families, food brings mine together.

In the last few years I have begun some new traditions of my own, which are mostly centred around Christmas and New Year as I think of it as a special time of year and a time to share some Christmas Spirit;

 

Images from Pinterest

• Send a Christmas Shoebox
  (you can read my post about them here)
• Volunteer at the night shelter
• Give donations to the local food bank
• Put together a little package for the little girl I sponsor through SOS Children's Villages

I would also love to adopt and celebrate Thanksgiving. As with other holidays I may not celebrate as intended but in my own way. I think dedicating a day to being thankful is a positive idea that should be acknowledged. Some may say that we should be thankful as we go about our daily lies but I do not think it is always as easy as that with other stressors that can sometimes act as a distraction.

What holiday traditions do you celebrate? Are there any new ones that you would like to start?

Meeting a Milestone: Graduation

I begin to write as I am getting into bed. I don't want to wipe off my make up and the day with it. I don't want to go to sleep and begin a new day tomorrow. I don't want today to end. Today is the day graduated, an achievement I always wanted to accomplish but was not sure that I would.

I graduated on Tuesday. The excitement had been building in the run up to the day itself, receiving tickets, shopping for new outfits and party planning. The day really began when I stepped out of the shower at 10.30 and started to get ready. I had bought my outfit from River Island a few weeks before, the high waisted leather skirt and black top. I was a little worried that I may get a bit chilly throughout the day as it is now autumn so the Sunday before I happened to buy a slouchy green jumper from H&M which I thought would go really well to slip on before and after the ceremony. I finished my outfit off with a gold necklace my friends bought me for my birthday, although you couldn't really see it with my gown on, and an old pair of black shoe boots.

My parents and sister arrived at mine just before midday. We drove to the quayside for an al fresco lunch. My parents and I tucked into chicken, bacon and pesto wraps and my sister a bacon sarnie. I was extremely lucky with the weather, it was a bright, sunny and reasonably warm day for this time of year. We sat looking out at the water and boats in the marina, beautiful. My sister also gave me a small wrapped box. Peeling away the paper revealed a box labelled Class of 2015 and inside the cutest charm for my bracelet!

After lunch we headed to the Town Hall for the ceremony. I made plans to meet my friend outside, we greeted each other with smiles filled with excitement and nerves and headed inside to collect our hired cap and gown. We were dressed and guided through to have our official photographs taken. After all of this there was still some time to take some photo's outside with friends and family before the ceremony began at 3pm.

The ceremony began with a formal procession of the university faculty members dressed in their ceremonial outfits. There was then some short speeches and the introduction of the honourary fellow, Maureen Reynel MBE. Maureen founded and continues to run a local charity, FIND, supporting homeless individuals and those living on a low income. The charity is well known for providing food parcels but also offers other types of emergency aid such as; household and nursery items.

Having worked alongside Maureen in the summer of 2013, I found her presence and speech very meaningful and moving. She spoke about her work but also the responsibility we have to consider the lives of others and our contribution to society. That we should be mindful of our judgements of others, we cannot know what has led them down that particular path and there is no reason why we should not treat everyone with respect.

Maureen has achieved a lot in her lifetime, although perhaps not in a way that others would judge as so. Her achievement has been based in helping others through fostering and her charity work. Maureen is someone I admire and aspire to be like, her caring nature, motivation, dedication and passion.

Graduates were then asked stand, row by row and line up by the stage, wait for their name to called, walk across the stage and receive their degree. This is the part of the ceremony I have been dreading and was extremely nervous about. I am not someone who likes to be up on stage or pulled out from a crowd. I was also very anxious about walking across the stage without tripping in my heels.

I managed the walk without tripping! After the walk my nervousness dissolved and I was free to enjoy the rest of the day. When the ceremony concluded the graduates were asked to file out onto the front steps of the Town Hall for our official class photo. Walking out through the wide open doors I saw the rest of my family ready and waiting. My parents and sister had guest tickets so were present during the ceremony.

Seeing the faces of my family members light up filled me with happiness and pride. The day was made special for me by the presence of my family. Without them it would not have been the same. I am aware how lucky I am that so many family members could make my special day and for that I am grateful.

After a few more photographs we headed to a local restaurant for a family meal and cake!

 

Have you graduated?

How did you celebrate?

If you haven't reached graduation yet, keep going it's worth all the hard work and it's never too late!

Influences & Identity

Image from Pinterest

Whenever I'm asked about myself I often end up talking about my work and what I do; either paid, voluntary or with my family. I have very strong family values and I am lucky enough to come from one that enjoys spending time together, who look out for each other and are there for each other. I know that if I got myself into a bad situation that my family would do all they could to help me out and I am extremely grateful because I am aware that there are people out there who do not have that level of support due to various reasons.

In return, I like to think that I do as much as I can for members of my family. I often pop round to my Nan's for a coffee, sometimes take her out for a push in her wheelchair or into town. I also regularly look after my Grandad for periods of time. Why do I do these things? It is partly because I feel strongly that it is something I should do, that family should look out for each other but I also enjoy doing it, I love spending time with my family.

My work is also important to me and who I am. I like to help others; whether it is through donations, volunteering or paid employment. I feel strongly about individuals who have disabilities, their independence and quality of support they receive. Perhaps I have these feelings because I have grown up with my Grandad having a disability I am not sure. I haven't been able to do any voluntary work in the last 12 months but it is something I want to get back into.

Lastly, I thought I would share some films that I have found influential and inspiring.

Inside I'm Dancing 

Image from Google

For those of you who haven't seen it, this film reflects the change in thinking and policy around how disabled people should live and be supported. It follows the main character, Rory, advocate for his right to receive a budget to enable him to live independently instead of in an institution. It see's him fight to live how he wants to live, which seems a strange concept when many of us do this without it being questioned or limited.

The Blind Side

Image from Google

I just think this film is amazing, the trailer alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes. It's all about one woman offering a teenager a place to spend the night when she suspects he has no where else to go and ending up with him becoming part of the family and a professional football player. For me, this film shows non-judgement, acceptance, opportunity and the importance of family. Before seeing the film I had an interest in fostering and adoption but this film intensified my feelings of wanting to support children who need foster or adoptive families.

Wild

Image from Google

If you've read previous posts you will know that I lost someone very close to me last year. Wild follows a young woman who lost her mum at a young age and in response to her grief goes 'off the rails', using drugs and being unfaithful leading to the breakdown of her marriage. She becomes a person she does not like, that her mother would not be proud of and decides to find her way back to the person she was. She does this by hiking the Pacific Crest Trail alone. I think it's a great film about loss, strength, courage and personal growth.

While We're Young

Image from Google

This is the most recent film I have watched and found inspiring. It is about a forty something couple meeting a twenty something couple, it's about living life and made me want to be creative. But, my favourite part was a speech toward the end of the film about documentaries telling a story, being educational and honest. At the time I was writing my dissertation and the speech fitted with what we had been taught around integrity and ethics behind research. It inspired me to go away and write something informative, interesting and honest which I tried to do to the best of my ability.